Let’s Give Away the MOON for VOTES!

Pandering done right!

It’s “interesting” to watch the Democrats going about their pandering as they jockey for position in the 2020 presidential run. I was going to say something like “unbelievable” but it’s totally believable.

We’ll just use this one as an example:

The problem Republicans have is that we really don’t have much to give away. You might get a campaign button but at least so far, we haven’t seen Trump-iPads.

Let’s face it — we suck at pandering.

I want to be helpful so I’ve come up with an idea — let’s give away something we technically don’t exactly own but might have some potential claim to.

Here’s what I’m thinking. The moon has 14.6 million square miles of surface area. Republicans should give 14.6/300= 0.48 square miles to every person residing in the United States along with all the mineral rights. After all, we did land on the moon once upon a time (conspiracy theories not withstanding).

There is The 1967 Outer Space Treaty which gives the moon to the international community so all activities must conform to international law, including the United Nations Charter. Here’s the really good news! We didn’t sign it and neither did any other country with rocket technology!

I think we’re good to go!

The only real problem is that there are nice places on the moon and there are not so nice places. For instance, you might not want to live on the dark side of the moon. And some craters are better than others. So we need a plan.

What I propose is that the moon be divided into equal areas and people can select them from a website. This, of course, is discriminatory against low income people and illegal immigrants so this is where we should offer the Trump-iPad. Now everyone has equal access to their share of the moon.

The order that people can select parcels is important. One solution would be to price each section and let the marketplace sort it all out. This, of course, is discriminatory and would likely lead to rich Democrats buying up the entire moon and then promising to share it’s wealth. This is way too capitalistic for today so my plan is that moon parcels would be made available in this order: African Americans, Hispanics, Native Americans (forgot what we’re calling them these days for a moment!), Asians, LGBTQ+ and other. Women also have priority selection within each group.

So what if someone identifies as African American but isn’t really? Here’s my suggestion — y’all sort it out on your own. If some lesbian white woman is trying to steal your chunk of the moon, I think there’s ways to handle these sorts of things. Know what I’m saying?

There’s another problem we need to deal with — everyone and their uncle is going to try to get into the United States to get a piece of the moon. This is, of course, much less of a problem if we build a few walls. It’s for your children who are going to inherit a piece of the moon! Let’s all get with the program now people!

From a purely political standpoint, it really doesn’t matter who gets a chunk of the moon just as long as they know it’s the Republicans that made it possible in the 2020 presidential election. After all, we’re not really going to give anyone a piece of the moon. We just want to make you think we might and vote Republican. It’s the way Democrats do it!

Mark Rosneck

Written by Mark Rosneck

Site owner and whipping boy. Posting entirely in whiteface.

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